Friday, February 3, 2012


I think we've all been there.  In those deep, dark, cold moments where no matter what we just feel totally and completely alone.  We've all loved and lost.  All of us to varying degrees.  I've loved a little and I've lost a little, but even just loosing that "little" bit is unbearable.  It feels just like a small piece of you dies with every single breath you take.  Like you'll never been whole again.
I don't know what the really earth shattering heartbreak feels like.  I hope (maybe foolishly?) that I never have to experience it.  If the world around me is any barometer, though, I but I will feel it.  Some day.
The thing is... I'm really great.  I've got so many beautiful things: a beautiful soul, a beautiful and supportive family and friend network, a beautiful future, a beautiful personality.  Why can't one person just stop for a moment and realize that they are the last beautiful thing missing in my life?
"You're never alone if you like the person you're alone with."  That's one of my favorite sentences in the world.  I really do love myself.  I enjoy spending time with myself.  I love my thoughts, my creativity, my openness.  I love the way I can interact with people.  I love almost everything about myself.  But... there are a few things I don't really love.  Sometimes I go to dark places.  I guess this is one of them right here... writing about loneliness.  I like to think that this is cathartic... by writing this I am shoveling myself out of one of those dark places I go to when things get hard.  I guess that's the one big thing I don't like about myself.  Maybe that's what I need to work on.  (Duh?)